I have this bad habit of dreaming and fantasizing about all the ‘what if’ situations that I could end up in. ‘What if’ I did this; ‘what if’ I did that. It’s not a bad thing in itself because I appreciate my imagination, it’s part of my creative side that lets me cope and create at the same time.
But when it comes to real life situations, sometimes I get carried away with thinking about all the possible courses of actions and their consequences. Then I’ll end up going round and round in my head debating what is the best course of action in case -this- happens or -that- happens. It’s frustrating to say the least, when I’m trying to make a serious decision.
Sometimes I think it’ll be much easier if I could completely ignore the voice in my head and instead just do things. But that’s not a part of me, I can’t turn it off. So I’ll just have to work with the voice instead of fight it.
For example; 6 months ago I resolutely decided on something for myself. Now that’s in doubt and I’m not sure anymore. At the same time, I’m only not sure because I’m considering the ‘what ifs’ of the situation. I don’t expect anyone to understand this, me being cryptic and all.
I think it’s still hard for me to let things flow. Still learning.
I’d be lying if i said I was young. I don’t feel that word applies to me anymore, as much as I wish it did. At the same time, I don’t fit the term ‘old’ either. Well, neither of those terms are really correct about me in any sense. What I’m really trying to get at is, it feels as though I’ve now grown up (though not necessarily a grown up all the time haha) and should be finding my place in the world. Sure, if you think that means having a stable career and saving for a property, being with a long term partner, everything all rosy – but no, pretty much none of that applies to me.
A lot of people my age are now pairing off, getting married, some are having kids, a lot have pets, a lot have moved out of home, some have moved overseas for work. And most people are solidly on their career trajectory. Which is great, for them, because that’s what they want! But how many people are actually living on the edge – how many people are faking it till they make it? How many people actually know their next step?
I guess I got a little lost in the rhetoric there. My point is that whilst society has this typical plan for us, we don’t have to adhere to it. Life is too short to be linear, and often it’s a lot more fun to go the long way. You can see the scenery, experience life, and ultimately end up in the same place as the person who followed the typical path.